Check Your Plums & Make Some Jam

The weather outside might be horrible, and Axel Rose may have warned us of November Rain, cold hands and wet feet are no excuse to stay away from the kitchen and feel your bits when making jam. We’re raising awareness of testicular cancer this month (as everyone should) and that means one thing: PLUM JAM!

Plum jam is delicious. It’s so delicious we decided to name a website after it. And with the autumn giving way to chillier days, it’s time to put the strawberry jam to rest and make a heartier and fuller tasting jam for your breakfast toast nin the morning. There’s no better fruit at this time of year that is nearly ripe and ready to go than the humble plum. It’s got a tougher skin, strong fleshy inside and releases the most fantastic natural sweetness when left to simmer.

With this month being Movember after all,  a time where everyone needs to be reminded about testicular cancer treatment and how to check yourself out, we thought it would be more than apt to share an extremely simple plum jam recipe. It’s a recipe so simple in fact, that if you’re a man you might be able to do it while giving yourself a self check down there. Although for hygiene reasons we really reccomend that you don’t.

So here is our recipe for seasonal plum jam that uses only 2 ingredients: plums and sugar.

Step 1
Get as many plum as you like or are lucky to have and cut them all in half, making sure to leave the stones in.
Throw them all in a bowl.

Step 2
Now grab some sugar and drizzle it over your plums. The rule of thumb here is 3:1, so if you have 3 lb of plum, you use 1 cup of sugar. If you have 9, use 3 etc.
Combine them all together and then let them sit for an hour or two.
When you come back the inside halves of your plum should have gone from light yellow to dark yellow or slightly orange in hue.

Take a spoon and get rid of those stones. They should come out incredibly easy now that the flesh has softened up a good bit.
You can either throw the stones away, or give them a rinse and throw them in a processor to make a fine grain of the seed which can be used to put on porridge and cereal (it’s a bit like that linseed stuff you’d buy in a fancy health sotre, only you just made it for nothing)

Step 4
Pop your sugary plums in a big pot. Bring the thing to a boil but make sure you don’t put a lid on. We want these plums to break down smoothly and having the lid on will just apply force that causes the flesh to rupture.
As the temperature rises, the middle of the pot will show signs of melting first, so make sure to give the sides a good stir.

Step 5
Once the mixture finally melts and has that lovely purple hue, crank it up high and keep stirring. We want to see lovely bubbles forming on top.

Step 6
Bring the pot to a simmer and leave it to cool for 10 minutes until its warm to the touch. With your finger (if you’re brave enough) or a spoon, dip in and left your mixture up to see how it drops. It should hopefully be very runny and not like jam at all. Don’t worry though.

Step 7
Repeat Steps 4 to 6 another THREE times. Yes you’re going to be yo-yo’ing your plum mixture a few times. Two times at least, four at the most, But 3 seems to fit in just fine. This is to make sure it’s condenses each time and gets that rich thickness we expect from our jams. Note that you don’t have to do this all in one go. We’ve put so much sugar in there that the preserative power of the white magical powder means you could, if you wanted, repeat these steps once a day over the next few days.

Step 8
When you’re on your last boil and have the plam jar you really want badly, get the sterilised jars out and start pouring while the jam is hot hot hot!

Step 9
Pop your jam jar lid on tight and carefully flip the jar over so it’s upside down. This help create a sound seal as the jam cools and ensures you get an air tight seal on your batch.

Step 10
When you’re hungry, get your jam out and have a fiddle about (sorry that was meant for you man bits). Enjoy the purely plum jam on your toast and remember to remind your friends to check their bits out too!